


if i can love only once

by wingsaloof



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: (for DiaMari. they're brief and full of grief), Alternate Universe - Angels, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/F, Forbidden Love, Mild Sexual Content, Sad Ending, Touch-Starved, Unhappy Ending, brief ChikaYou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:58:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7507420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsaloof/pseuds/wingsaloof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where angels and humans coexist but can't touch each other, a guardian and the ordinary girl under her watch fall in love.</p><p>(Chika prayed endlessly for a miracle, but Riko couldn't realize all of her wishes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i can love only once

**Author's Note:**

> It started as only a small AU because Riko was Chika's miracle... and then it ended up in this.  
> I don't even know if it's entirely ic. It's 1am and I don't know anything anymore. I'm sorry.

Riko has been by Chika's side since the girl could remember her own existence. The two of them always got along, but that was a given, after all, Riko was Chika's guardian. Growing up together, the human had seen the angel's first flight just like the angel watched the human walking for the first time. Even though Riko was supposed to be the one looking out for Chika, the reverse would happen sometimes, which was something quite rare in such relationships. They were a perfect pair, the true definition of soulmates in a platonic sense, as it should be.

Except that it wasn't like that.

 

Chika was 13 when her first kiss happened. It was behind the school gym, during lunchtime, when no one else was around, only her and her good friend You. And of course, Riko was watching from the rooftop together with You's guardian, Kanan. Both human girls were giggling and talking about Chika's older sister who just had gotten a new boyfriend. Love was still something quite unknown for them, who were straight out of childhood, so their curiosity was spiked up about dating and similar stuff.

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

"No, never! Of course not."

"Don't you wonder how it is to kiss someone?"

Kanan only smiled at the conversation. It was a first for her, to see You talking about kisses and love. The kid was driven so much by the sea and boats that it seemed like she didn't had anything else inside her mind besides a infinite wet blue. Maybe it was an effect of growing up and becoming more aware of your surroundings? Meanwhile, Riko's face was as pink as the feathers that composed her wings. How were them talking so openly about that? It was super embarrassing just to hear them! Besides, she never had a conversation like that with Chika... Not that she was jealous. She only felt a bit left out.

"My sister told me that it tastes weird..."

"But isn't it a bit disgusting? Like, your tongue touches someone else's tongue and... ugh. It's disgusting."

"But she says that it is a good weird."

"How come?"

"I don't know, I don't understand! Like I've told you, I've never kissed before."

Silence followed as Chika's confused expression turned into a innocent grin.

"... Wanna try?"

"What? Kissing?"

"Yeah! It'll be quick!"

"... Just once, I guess."

Kanan was holding back her laughter. Riko was holding her breath.

Instead of closing her eyes as she wanted to, Chika's guardian angel watched the whole scene. How You leaned in, her hair brushing Chika's forehead, how their lips slowly reached for each other, first only pecking, then opening up and turning into a real kiss. It wasn't only once, they kissed again and again and Chika's expression looked like she understood what her sister meant, and You's slitted eyes showed a side to her that the seraph had never seen before. Riko lost sense of time or of her own facial expression, her mind was full of their kisses and her heart was feeling heavy.

Everything happened fast, though, Chika pushed her best friend away, arguing that she had bitten on her lip. They started to laugh just like before and the topic went to another direction. Riko only snapped out of her trance when Kanan patted her shoulder, with a sorry look in her eyes.

"You should stop thinking like that."

Her voice was nothing more than a faint whisper, and Riko didn't quite understood the meaning of her sentence on that day.

 

They were 15 and today's class was ethics and morals between angels and humans.

It was the only subject that they had two teachers and of course they were a young woman and her guardian angel. They talked about how the two races should cooperate and how the entire system of guardians worked. Chika never really paid too much attention to that class, so she only knew the basics. Something like how the angel is born shortly after the human, how they're supposed to spend their whole life together and how only death will put them apart. Something like marriage, but more strict.

Talking about marriage, today's class was about love.

It's not like no one had already heard of cases where a guardian and their human fell in love. After they entered middle school, some rumors flew around about teachers or neighbors. It was a small city, after all. Chika thought that there was no problem if that really happened. Don't you get more motivated to spend your life by someone's side if you really love them a lot?!

Yeah, but there was a problem.

"There's not a rule that says that love is forbidden, but its consequences are." Her teacher's voice was grave, as if only with her tone she could engrave the words to her student's minds. "Humans and angels can't touch each other. They can't kiss, they can't hug, they can't even hold hands. Heaven has never explained us why does that happens, but they made it clear that punishment will come instantly if those acts happen."

She went on as how contact was permitted in extreme cases, for example if the human is in life-risking danger, but that was the only part of class that Chika listened to. As the professor finished that sentence, her eyes immediately flew to where Riko was. Lately, she was catching herself doing that more often, without apparent reasons. Maybe it was because she felt more reassured by her guardian's side, like it was supposed to be.

She always told that to herself.

 

It was during high school when things started to change for real.

Chika started to repeatedly find herself wanting to jump into Riko's arms, or to grab her hands. Her fingers seemed to soft, her skin looked so pretty. She had to remind to herself that she couldn't do anything, which always earned a sigh. But her feelings wouldn't calm down. Riko, who had always been the voice of reason for Chika, had to stop her attempts of touching, always followed by a scolding. She really wanted to hug Chika too, but they couldn't!

"I've already told you this countless times. It's not like I don't want to hug you, I'd love to, actually." Although she was serious, admitting this made her cheeks become bright red. "But it's forbidden. Even as friends. I'm sorry."

The human girl wondered what would happen if they only held hands, without any second intentions. She was feeling really tempted to do that, what could they lose? Punishment couldn't be that bad.

But well, it was, and she discovered that in the most shocking way possible.

 

The story went like that.

Dia was the school council president and Mari was her guardian angel, although it felt like the opposite, since Dia was very centered and responsible and Mari was an airhead who could barely take care of herself, let alone another person. They were always together, arguing most of the time because Mari wouldn't stop pranking her human. But you could see that they genuinely cared for each other. There was love there, and in the end they were a good match, a real good one, as good as Riko and Chika.

What ruined it all was that their chemistry was too good.

It all happened in the student council room, according to the rumors, in a stormy evening after a meeting. Mari was the first to confess, making Dia start to cry, because she also felt the same. But of course, right, they couldn't consumate their love. It was forbidden.

But like everything else in life, it wasn't like Mari cared.

She pulled Dia into her arms and kissed her. Her hands on Dia's waist, whose hands were on Mari's hair, their kiss tasting salty because of the girl's tears. The kiss only made her cry even more, because she knew they were doomed. It was too late, so before it ended, she had to appreciate it all.

"I love you", the blonde angel gasped between kisses. The thunders roared louder than before outside the room while Dia's shirt fell, her lace already undone and tossed aside, revealing her shoulders. Mari kissed and sucked on her skin, while she held her guardian tight, her legs trembling. The student council president was leaning against her desk, hands sliding down Mari's back and tugging at the hem of her skirt. The angel was fast in her actions, and all the years of restrained feelings were exploding her heart. Her fingers already had found their way to Dia's thighs, caressing them softly as the human whimpered. Their bodies were moving against each other, their hands discovering more and more, her mouths fused into one, too much happening at the same time, they whispered loving words to each other.

The world ended with a climax.

Only one of Dia's hairpins survived as a witness of their existences.

 

Ever since that happened, everyone at school wouldn't talk about anything else. The incident had a effect on the students (of course, it couldn't not have), to the point where some supposedly inseparable angel-human pairs were drifting apart from each other. The atmosphere inside the campus had became delicate, and everyone's mood was reaching rock bottom after that.

"I honestly don't know what to do." Kanan confessed to Riko on the day when she took over the president role. "I'm as shocked as everyone else, but I've gotta do something."

After that day, Chika never mentioned physical contact again, even if her heart screamed for it.

 

When they entered college, it was the first time where they got separated for more than an hour, since Chika actually didn't went to it.

"Since Shima-nee became a lawyer and Mito-nee said she's not interested, I guess someone has to take over the family business, right?" She would explain herself like that, always followed by a laugh. Riko couldn't stand being apart from Chika for so long. Probably it was for the best, though.

Her feelings were finally noticed by no one but herself. And Kanan, of course, who tried to talk some sense into her so many years ago. She regretted not having followed her friend's advice, but what could she do right now? It was too late. She was in love with Chika, the girl she was supposed to protect and never touch. Chika, whose eyes sparkled and whose citric smell enchanted her. Chika, with her small lips and huge heart, which she'll never be able to have.

If only she was born a human.

Riko wonders if that was how Mari felt towards Dia when she confessed.

 

Meanwhile, Chika had also became more self-aware. She doesn't knew where it started. Maybe when she started to get jealous of Riko's new friends at college. Or was it during high school, during those nights were she couldn't sleep because she wanted Riko's warmth by her side? Definitely, it was when that thing happened with Dia and Mari and she couldn't stop thinking if they were her and Riko! Yeah, probably.

Or maybe when she kissed You, pretending her friend was Riko, just to feel more at ease.

Well, there was no way back, or at least it seemed like it.

"I'm in love with Riko", she repeated to herself, just to see if it was enough to trigger punishment. 

 

They expected things to get more awkward, but it was the same as ever. It was hard to be too mindful, they were too used to each other's presence. They felt at ease just by hearing the other one's voice, it was like home but in a person. But it still hurt, to not be able to say their feelings out loud. Hurt enought to not let them be at peace with themselves, countless nights of sleep being lost, wondering how each other's skin would feel under their fingers, how their mouth would taste. Riko thought once or twice of telling her friend about her real feelings, but she had no courage for it.

Chika was a brave girl, however.

 

Unlike Dia and Mari's case, it was a calm, moonless night. No stars to be seen, but also no clouds. Only the black abyss above the city.

The actual storm was inside of the girls' hearts.

"We need to talk." Chika's voice was low, which was unusual. "And it's serious."

"Of course." Riko sat down, looking at her friend. "Did anything happen?"

"I need to tell you something important. Please, tell me you won't hate me for what I'll say."

"Of course I won't." She smiled. "How could I hate you?"

There it was. Her gentle smile, the most beautiful one. Followed by those words, it all made Chika want to cry loudly until her chest burst.

"I love you, Riko-chan. Not only on the friendly way. I love you for real, like... Just like Dia-san and Mari-san loved each other."

The angel bit her lip, tears welling up on her eyes. Her painful expression pierced Chika's heart, who gave in to her feelings and started sobbing.

"I love you too, Chika-chan..." Riko's voice was muffled, her hands shaking as she tried to dry up her face. "I've loved you for a long time."

Her guardian's confession was the final blow on her soul. She started to cry loudly, screaming out all her pent up feelings, everything that she couldn't ever cry before. Just like a newborn baby, who cries to live on, her yells were her prayer for their lifes. Riko wanted to hug her, to tell that it was okay, that it wasn't wrong, even though she knew it was, but she only wanted to confort her beloved and to feel her between her arms. It hurted even more to think that she wouldn't ever be able to do that. She wanted to do it so badly, to caress Chika's hair, kiss her forehead, hold hands with her and hug her until she calmed down, but all she could do was cry together with her. Cry until she had no more tears, because she felt she could do so. Her dear person kept on repeating that she loved Riko so much, so much, so much...

"I love you too", she tried to reply. Her voice wasn't coming out anymore, tears were choking her.

"I want to touch you." The human girl repeated. "I want to hug you and kiss you. I want to kiss your cheek, your nose, your mouth, your hands... I want to be all lovey-dovey and do couple things with you! I love you so much, Riko-chan, but it's so painful! My heart is hurting so badly..."

Riko couldn't react anymore, her vision was entirely blurry, her voice had died, her whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

Chika couldn't take it anymore.

Love really drives you mad, she thought.

 

"Riko-chan, please touch me."

Her eyes widened in shock. "We... can't..." She managed to reply.

"But I also can't take it anymore!" Her fists were balled, punching her lap. "Please, Riko-chan. If you don't do it, I'm gonna kiss you."

"We're going to die."

"But I don't mind if it's because of this."

"..." Riko let out a nervous laughter. "This world is cruel, isn't it?"

"It is."

The angel crawled to the human's side, her wings ruffling quietly. She raised a hand, as if checking if there wasn't any invisible barrier between them. Finally, her hand rested on Chika's shoulder, pulling her closer.

They hugged, her breaths mixing in the small space between their faces.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Riko leaned in, kissing Chika's cheek, the guardian's face red as blood. Her beloved human kissed her forehead in retribution, then going down to her mouth. Finally sharing the kiss they've longed for years, their hearts finally got at ease, pulsing in a confortable rhythm, syncronized, the sound connected as one. They held hands, their fingers interwined. Loving words were exchanged between kisses, more and more confessions coming to life.

It was the end, after all.

It was cruel for such happiness to be so fleeting. At least, they would disappear happy, in each other's arms, fulfilling their biggest wish.

And they didn't minded even one bit to part from this world like that.

They lost sense of time while embracing each other.

A sudden wind started to blow strongly, entering through the window and tickling their skin.

 

A last kiss.

And then, nothing.


End file.
